The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of. -Blaise Pascal



procrastination, thy name is me.

when i am a parent my children will have the biggest box of crayons that crayola makes. life is all about color, and kids should have as many as they can get their little fingers on.

my cat just died. somewhat unexpectedly. and i'm a wreck. 16 years. i'm not sure what to do with myself now.

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
- Voltaire


i'm finding lots of good quotes lately. seems a shame not to share.

today i got out of bed convinced that the day was going to suck. it was dark, it was raining and i was in the middle of a fantastic dream when my alarm went off.

but, the rain stopped before i left the house, my lecture got out early and there was no traffic on the way to the barn.

i had a great lesson. and got a fantastic ego boost in the process. the horse i was riding belongs to one of the girls who works out there. i haven't ever seen anyone else ride her, but didn't really think anything of that until about ten minutes into my lesson when my instructor asked me what i had done to get to ride Bonnie. 'cause apparently Bonnie's 'mom' doesn't let anyone else ride her. ever.

and i'm going to get to ride her again next week!

so what unexpected happy incident or ego boost have you gotten this week?

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."
- Arthur Schopenhauer

now, bear in mind that Schopenhauer died in 1860, and was born in the latter part of the 1700's. don't you find it interesting how the thoughts of philosophers who lived in a time so removed from ours can be so relevant to us?

think about all of the things that we just accept that were perhaps not so self-evident to our parents or grandparents. the first one that comes to my mind is the Civil Rights movement, but i bet you can come up with others.

i'd love to hear what any one of you has to contribute. i'm feeling a tad philosophical myself these days.

i think that this is probably my favorite holiday. love the candy. love the costumes. love the chance to be something i'm not for a little while.

i think that most of you will appreciate this though:

my partner and i are going with our two best friends as...

the four horsemen of the apocalypse. death, famine, war and pestilence (there's a word for you race! its a great word)

i'm death. i have a hobby horse. i will take pictures.

happy halloween my lovelies! i'm going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow.

i have made the executive decision that if the people in my life who call themselves my friends can't act like the university educated, multi-degree holding adults that they are, then i'm not going to either.

just once i'd like to not be everyone's Mom and get to have my own bad day dammit! i've felt like shit for two days, i have the cramps from hell and i'm more than a week behind in my notes and studying. i do not have time for you to come to me and BITCH because she got to fuck some random guy and you didn't. i. do. not. care. srsly. grow up or go away.

i thought i left this kind of drama behind in high school. obviously i was wrong.


sry. rant over.

i'm going to bed.

this time the questions are from racethewind10

1. How did you end up in Scottland?

that’s an easy one; i applied to vet school at home in Louisiana and didn’t get in. but i did get in to the University of Glasgow vet school. which is really cool because James Herriot went to school here. plus it’s a really beautiful place and i don’t see myself having another opportunity to live outside the US once i’m actually a vet.

2. What is your most embarrasing moment (That you are willing to share) ;p

to be honest, i’ve put my foot in my mouth so many times, over so many things that i'm not sure i can come up with only one example. i’m not terribly proud of the fact that i kissed Hugh Grant just so he’d take a picture with me. does that count?

3. What is one thing that makes you incredibly angry?

abuse of animals or children. can’t handle it at all, its one of the few things that can actually make me shout and lose control. makes me mad just to type about it here. grrrrrrr.

4. What is one thing that makes you incredibly happy?

sitting in front of a real wood fire on a cold day. i love the smell, the sound of crackling flames and the particular type of heat you only get from real wood burning.

5. What is your idea of a perfect day?

it starts with sleeping late. that’s followed by bacon, grits and really good coffee. nice weather, nowhere/nothing that I have to be/do, and ideally: horses. a good book, a nice glass of wine and maybe a steak on the grill would be a great way to end it.

tonight i have covered, we've both been craving nachos. but i'm trying to figure out what i can do with the contents of my vegetable box and the freezer.

i have: carrots, onions, garlic, leeks, a very large turnip, some nice parsnips and spinach. there is some chicken in the freezer, some hot peppers in the fridge and a large assortment of spices and fresh herbs.

any suggestions? thoughts? comments? its been cold at night here so i was thinking soup. but if any one can think of something better, i'm all ears.

this interview thing is fascinating and i wish that i could come up with more intelligent answers, but i'm coming off a long weekend of heavy drinking and late nights. take 2 on the interview thing will be up in a couple of days, maybe i'll improve.

The Minion Interview, questions courtesy of jayden_scott :


1. What is your favorite femslash pairing of all time and why?

ok, thats a tough one to answer. there are so many that have drawn me in. but my favorite pairing is Calleigh and Natalia from CSI:Miami. love me some Duvista! physically they are good counterpoints to one another and there is so much about their personalities that makes them perfect together. plus there is all teh eye secks. constantly.

2. What are three things you want to do/accomplish before you die?

go on a real safari in africa and see the Ngorogoro crater and Victoria Falls.
become a mother
graduate from vet school and enjoy my career

3. What three songs affect you the most and why?

Super Trooper - ABBA is one, because it never, ever fails to put me in a better mood. its been one of my favorite songs since i was a little girl.
Appalachian Spring - Aaron Copland. i've never been able to explain why i like this music so much but i do. whatever my mood its always right. it helps me concentrate when i need to study, it makes me laugh when i'm happy and it lifts me up when i'm in a terrible mood. its my all purpose mood music.
Bitch – Meredith Brooks, because i feel like it’s a perfect description of my favorite city, New Orleans. A little bit of everything all rolled in to one, but i don’t listen to it much anymore because it makes me homesick.



4. Describe your fantasy vacation. Where would you go, what would you do, who would be with you, etc?

a white sand beach somewhere with soft sand, blue water and palm trees. there would be hammocks in the trees and a cabana boy (can't have my gf getting ideas now) bringing me refreshing rum cocktails and snacks and a re-charged ipod when necessary. not far away would be my air-conditioned villa with satellite tv and a big bed with fluffy pillows for afternoon naps. my gf would be with me and my closest friends. there would be a four star restaurant serving fresh fish, tropical delights and good wine. horses would be available for rides along the beach. there would be perfect, sunny weather everyday and it would only rain at night. my family wouldn't even know about the trip or the place and no one would attempt to create high school level drama for duration.

5. I use my super-magical transport device and suddenly, I'm in Scotland, standing in front of you. What do you say/do?

i would most likely scream and possibly pass out, because i'd be surprised. its not every day people magically pop out of the air in front of you. then i give you a hug, because i hug everyone. i introduce you to my better half, you two then bond over the fact you’re both smokers and i'll have to pry you away to show you the sights of fabulous Glasgow. we figure out once and for all where we know each other from.

i am making myself a promise, that i might not keep with any actual faithfulness but here goes:

i will not go two months between work-out classes. my whole body is sore, even my ass muscles. walking down the stairs is an exercise in agony. it hurt to brush my teeth this morning.

i hate pain. ergo, i need to work out regularly to avoid this level of pain.

i hate being out of shape...

its really not a rant, as much as its something i need to vent. and its not terribly well written or coherent but i need to get it out.

a very good friend and mentor figure of mine is awaiting diagnosis on a neuromuscular condition that he has developed in the last few months. it seems to be progressive and degenerative and as of friday all of the not-so-bad diagnoses are off the table. he's waiting for the results of genetics tests and some more intensive MRI/Cat scan type things. at this point its looking a lot like it might be ALS (which is Lou Gehrig's disease), and thats a really scary possibility because it means he'll probably only be able to work for another year or so, and because he's got two kids under ten.

i found out about all of this basically by accident. he never intended to tell me but circumstances conspired against us both and now that i know i'm one of the VERY few people who does and that he can talk to. and i can't say anything to anyone about it because if it got back to the university they'd find a way to remove him from his teaching position and its the kind of juicy gossip that would slip out of people's mouths. i can't even talk to my girlfriend about it because she's good friends with some of my classmates and if it slipped out all hell would break loose.

so here i sit. worried about my friend to the point of tears sometimes, angry at the abject unfairness of it all and really just wanting to scream and shout about it. with not a soul i can sit down and have a real conversation over it with.

and the thing that absolutely breaks my heart is that he needs someone to be there for him (someone else i guess because his wife is pretty awesome) in a bad way and instead of just accepting the support that i'm trying to give him he sat down with me yesterday and delivered a very sincere apology for 'burdening me with his problems'. so i very sincerely responded that its only a burden if i let it be and that i', flattered and honored to have his trust. he gave me a hug an shooed me out of his office, i think because he was going to cry.

therefore:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok. i feel a little better.

when you read this, i will be in Iceland. and i might be eating seal.

*clears throat*

!!!I PASSED I PASSED I PASSED I PASSED I PASSED!!!

i am now officially a third year vet student having navigated the depths of Physiology Hell and emerged reasonably sound on the other side.

i have NEVER in my life been so glad to see the start of a new school year.


now racethewind10 owes me a fic, in the fandom of my choice. good stuff.

if i had to choose one it would be sight.

music is too important to me to choose hearing. plus i would still be able to listen to books on tape and hear my family say 'i love you'.

taste and smell are linked to some of my most emotional memories, plus i really like food. i like food a lot. plus taste and smell are linked to one another in the brain. if you lose smell you lose most of your taste ability and damage to your taste buds affects the way you process certain scents (why yes i have been studying for my physiology exam, why to you ask?)

and i think i would truly go insane if i lost my sense of touch. i'm too tactile. i need to touch everything, hug people, feel the wind on my skin. and i really like sex.

i edited to fix my silly spelling mistakes...

under the circumstances it involves me curled up on the sofa with two dogs around and over my legs, one very fat cat under my foot and the Queen (all 6 pounds of her) curled up purring on my chest. add that to CSI, NCIS and SVU and you have the makings of a pretty good saturday night alone.

well, all of that plus the half gallon of really good vanilla ice cream.

pointless post, but i'm bored and i'm hungry. when i'm hungry i think about food, naturally. the problem is that have nothing in the house to eat (well, there is some junk and a zucchini).

so what do i want for dinner?

snagged from racethewind10

the things i will spend time on to avoid studying...

( the meme thing )